Allow Yourself to Build Your New Life After Divorce- Avoid
These Seven Divorce Barriers
Guilt - Maybe you feel guilty from letting yourself down, broken vows or staying in a situation that you normally would not tolerate. Guilt can be productive in preventing repercussions from unethical decisions but don't let guilt from the ended marriage hinder your moving on with your life. If you owe any apologies then deliver them with sincerity and also forgive yourself and then let the guilt go.
Permanence - Everything changes and believing that the way things are now is the way they will always be will only bring continuous disappointment. Divorce is a time when you will have to rewrite your life's plans but it's the start of a new chapter and not the end of the entire story.
Sadness - A life of shared dreams that you have known has come to an end and it might result in significant changes even when the divorce is uncontested. It's natural to feel sad and trying to ignore it will only make your recovery worse. The only way to relieve your sadness is to feel it, embrace it and let it flow through you and then let the sadness go, as it has served its purpose.
Super- Parent - Don't get overwhelmed by overcompensating to fill the void from divorce by assuming the entire burden of childcare and decision making by being a "Super Parent". Trying to be a "Super Parent" sometimes leads to being too permissive with your children to fill this void by any means necessary and lose themselves in the process as they place their children's needs first. Your children need you but they also need you to be healthy, happy and productive. Allow yourself to be a good parent rather than a perfect parent; seek out support and guidance from others and make sure to take care of yourself too.
Vengeance - The need for revenge is a harmful trap. Filling your day and mind with negative thoughts about your ex-spouse you end up neglecting yourself. And basing your well-being on someone else's demise does not create a good atmosphere. Moving on even if justice is never served is better than waiting for the desired punishment to be played out while your life is sabotaged by your rage.
Why - Trying to convince yourself that once you understand then everything will be ok can sometimes lead to an escape but no amount of information will relieve the pain. Eventually, you have to accept that you will not know everything and that it's best to move on.
Worthiness - Divorce can be a huge blow to our self-esteem; we feel rejected, see ourselves as broken, and either seek out rescuers or conclude we're flawed and unworthy of love. You were worthy to find marriage the first time and you will find it again just chose more wisely the next time.
After Divorce Starting Your New Life List
- Define a new relationship with your ex spouse for your children
- Talk to your children about what's going on with the divorce
- Assess your situation financially
- Create a support group with your closest friends
- Do everything you can to make yourself successful and reach your goals
- Make time for yourself
- If you have to change homes, know that you and your children will create
new memories - memories help make it a dream home!
- Find your passion
- Have some joy with your kids
- Protect yourself in the future
The North Carolina child custody statutes provide some guidance as to how the system
actually works, and may provide some useful information. A
separate section of the statutes, referred to as the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction
and Enforcement Act, addresses the jurisdictional issues which arise in custody
A federal law, known as the
Interstate Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act, also addresses child custody
jurisdictional issues. John Walker, Attorney advises that a separation agreement may be made a part of a NC no
contest divorce or uncontested divorce and made the basis for child support enforcement
actions. >> more
and printable PDF
Other helpful websites: www.distanceparent.org
If You Have Child Custody/Support Problems After
Your Uncontested Divorce in North Carolina - Even after you have your child
support detailed in a separation agreement or court order, you may find that it
is not paid on time or in the full amount. When a parent fails to comply in the
state of North Carolina the
contempt statutes can provide a solution to the problem.
Although many parents think they can tie child support payments to visitation
privileges, it is important to understand that the one is legally independent
of the other. As an example, if one party has not received the appropriate child support payment, he or she may
not decide to prevent the other from exercising any visitation rights.
To get started, you
can either complete this simple online form so that we have some
basic information about you or you can call our office at 1-800-303-0960.